


What Hurts The Most

by Lattesar



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, I'm Sorry, hella angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 03:15:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16824001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lattesar/pseuds/Lattesar
Summary: "He doesn’t tell her.That’s what hurts the most she thinks, is that he never tells her."Or: How Tessa finds out





	What Hurts The Most

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I apologize, had some angst that I had to get out.

He doesn’t tell her.

That’s what hurts the most she thinks, is that he never tells her.

Sure there’s a moment where he says “You’ll never believe who I ran into the other day.”

Another moment where he mentions he’s going to visit her. And then that’s it. She’s never brought up again, he never mentions her name, she never had any reason to suspect anything out of the ordinary. 

It’s in between the show and the after show in Nashville when she sees her for the first time. They’re both changed and waiting for their families to show up when she walks through the door with his family, arms linked with Cara. She doesn’t question it. She knows they stayed friends all these years, and with her and Scott’s reunion, it made some sense for her to be there. 

She put it out of her mind, sat at her table with a bunch of donors, and tried not to focus on the way they were sitting together, on the fact that they were seated next to each other, on the way he kept looking at her. 

Later she finds her on the dance floor, makes some joke and that was that. They laughed, and danced, and neither of them brought him up. 

They fly back to Canada the next day to finish the tour, and he never mentions her, nevers mentions why she was there, so she doesn’t ask. And so things go back to normal. Or, as normal as things are for them. 

The tour ends but they still don’t get a break, rushing from one meeting to another. 

They’re kept busy for a couple hours at the book signing, rushing out afterwards to get ready for the Special Olympics Awards. After they’re ready both of them are standing in the hotel lobby waiting on the car when Scott pulls out his phone and makes a call. It isn’t this action that stops her, but rather the words that come out of his mouth. 

“Hey babe, were down in the lobby, are you ready?”

She feels her head whip around to stare at him, but he’s busy looking down the hallway, waiting for someone to appear. It isn’t long before she sees her walking down, coming from the direction of the elevator. 

It doesn’t take her long to recognize her either. 

Jackie. 

They walk up to each other she sees them lean in to kiss each other, and that’s when she looks away, tears clouding her vision. Her voice wavers as it comes out, stopping to clear her throat before trying again. 

“The car is here we need to go.”

Her chest constricts. 

She walks off without looking back to see if they follow her.

She spends most of the event studiously ignoring them, always putting a good distance between her and Scott, or rather, a good distance for them. At one point she even makes the point to stand in between other people during photos so that he can’t stand next to her like normal. Can’t wrap his hand around her waist and grip like he’s holding on for dear life. Can’t put his hand in that junction between her shoulder and neck and squeeze. He has someone else for that now. 

She spends most of the night in a daze. 

He calls her that night when they get back to the hotel. She doesn’t answer. 

The next morning he shows up at her door with a coffee in hand, she simply grabs it, says thank you, and shuts the door. 

He shows up a couple hours later with lunch. She sends him away claiming that she already ate, not wanting to tell him that doesn’t have an appetite, that she hasn’t had one since she showed up. 

He comes to her room before they have leave, walking silently down down the hallway and into the elevator. 

He speaks up first.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about-”

She cuts him off.

“Scott it’s fine”

“No I should’ve told you-”

The elevator comes to a stop.

“Scott. It’s fine.” 

The doors open and she walks out without another word. 

They don’t speak much during the event. They smile and pose for the cameras, they talk to the people they’re supposed to talk to. They act like everything is normal and fine, she smiles and talks, he smiles and drinks. They continue. 

He gets drunk, that much she can tell. He’s sweating, his face is patchy, his pupils are dilated. She hopes no one can tell, hopes no one can see. He holds himself together for the cameras, but she can see the facade starting to slip, so she grabs his arm and drags him to a bathroom in the back and locks the door. 

He leans against the wall with his eyes closed while she grabs a paper towel and begins to pat the sweat off of his face. His eyes slowly open to focus dazely at her, staring at her face while she works. 

“I’m sorry Kiddo.”

“Don’t Scott, not right now.”

His hand reaches out the grab her arm but she pulls it back from him.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“It’s fine.”

He moves his arm to circle around her waist and pull her in close.

“It’s not, I should’ve told you.”

“You should’ve, but you didn’t. It’s too late now.”

“Tess, Tessa baby I’m-”

She jerks out of his arms and watches as he slumps back against the wall, eye wide and watching hers.

“Don’t. Don’t call me that.”

“Tess I’m-”

“No, no I’m not doing this right now.”

Her eyes start to fill with tears, and of course he notices, arms reaching out to grab her but she steps out of his reach.

“Tessa I-”

“I’m not doing this Scott.”

She throws the paper towel away and steps towards the door, unlocking it and stepping out.

“Clean yourself up Scott, you’re drunk, and no one should see you like this. Not here.”

She walks before he can respond. 

They don’t talk for the rest of the night.

It’s later, when Tessa’s standing in her bathroom, slowly removing all her makeup when she hears the knock at the door. She knows who it is before she even moves to open the door. 

He’s standing at her door, resembling something similar to a kicked puppy. She mutters a soft come in before heading back in to the bathroom. 

He lingers at the door for a couple seconds before following her into the bathroom, shutting the door lightly behind him. He lingers behind her before taking a seat on toilet, looking down at his shoes and fiddling with his hands. 

It’s a couple minutes of silence until he finally speaks up.

“I’m sorry.”

She sighs and puts her makeup wipe down.

“It’s fine.”

“No, I should’ve told you about her, that she was coming.”

She pauses before answering, “Yeah… yeah Scott you should’ve.”

“I’m sorry.”

She grimaces and answers, “It’s a little too late for that.”

“I didn’t know you what you wanted from me Tess.”

“I wanted you to be honest Scott.”

“Honest about what Tess?”

“Honest about who she is, about who she is to you now. About me. It would've been nice to know that you don’t love me anymore.” Her voice comes out as a whisper during that last part.

He jumps off the toilet to stare at her then, as if her words had hurt him.

“Don’t love you anymore? Tessa how could you think that?”

She just stares at him through the mirror, her face blank. Her hands move up to start letting her hair down, combing her fingers through her hair. 

He lifts his hands as if to help, an action that any other night would’ve been welcomed, but she dips and moves out of his way. His hands freeze mid air before dropping back down to his sides, eyes still on hers. 

“Tess I don’t, I’m sorry but I don’t… I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here.”

Her next words come out harsher than she intends.

“Do whatever you want Scott, just like you always have.”

His body jerks at her words and his eyes find hers through the mirror.

“I couldn’t wait for you forever Tessa!” 

“I didn’t ask for you to wait forever Scott… I just asked to you wait for me.”

Her voice breaks at the end and her eyes fill with tears. She drops her head and swallows before moving out of the bathroom. 

She can hear his steps behind her, following her into her room. Her vision is still blurry as she squats next to her suitcase, searching for her pajamas. 

“Tess…”

Her voice wavers and her eyes are still clouded with with tears as she digs through her suitcase.

“It’s fine Scott.”

Her hand shakes as she puts it on the dresser to steady her and she stands up, putting the pajamas on top as she moves to unzip her skirt, hands still shaking. She keep her eyes trained on the ground, unable to stop the build up of tears and not wanting to risk looking at Scott. 

She slowly steps out of her skirt, sliding her pants on, before sliding her black top off and pulling her pajama shirt on. She pauses for a few before opening the closet and hanging up the skirt and top, her dress for the Walk of Fame hung neatly inside. She stares at it for a few seconds before sighing and shutting the door. 

When she turns Scott is still standing there, his eyes trained on hers. For a second, when they make eye contact, she feels a single tear slide down her cheek. She wipes it away quickly before making her way into the bathroom once again. 

He follows her back into the bathroom, standing behind her at the sink. She takes a deep breath, placing both hands on the counter to steady herself before turning around to face him. 

His eyes are searching hers, she can see the pain and guilt written clear across his features. 

She takes a deep breath before speaking.

“Scott… I’ve been in love with you for over half my life. At this point, I don’t remember what it’s like to not be in love with you. But since I was 14 I have watched you choose so many people over me.”

His hands reach out to grab to hers but she pulls back. Her voice comes out in a whisper as she speaks. 

“Please just, let me finish this.”

He’s silent for a few moments before nodding.

“Ever since we were teenagers, you have never been able to be alone, you have always had a girlfriend, first Jess and then Cass and then Kaitlyn. You have always had someone else, that mattered more to you than I did. You always picked them over me.”

He shakes his head and moves to respond but she cuts him off.

“I know, I know it isn’t truly like that Scott but you have to understand that that’s how it felt. I was so in love with you and you never returned it, not the way I wanted it. And it was fine! I wasn’t expecting anything back, I wasn’t expecting you to love me back the way I loved you. I figured you know, eventually I’d move on. And that’s what our break after Sochi was supposed to be, it was supposed to be me moving on from you. But God that didn’t work at all did it?”

She laughs, humorlessly, before continuing. 

“And then you wanted to comeback, and keep competing… and Scott the past 2, almost 3 years, have been the best of my life! God all the feelings I managed to bury came rushing back and… and after we won in PyeongChang I thought nothing could ever top that moment, but then afterwards. Afterwards when you told me you loved me, that you were in love with me I… I’ve never been happier Scott. And I wanted nothing more than to tell you the same, but there’s still that little 14 year old girl in me that’s terrified of watching you walk away over and over again.”

She can see the tears in his eyes start to slide over, slowly running down his cheeks, so she steps forward and places her hands on his cheeks to wipe them away. Her voice drops to a quiet whisper.

“So instead of telling you how long I had been waiting to hear those words come out of your mouth, I asked you to wait. To wait until everything calmed down, until we could sit down and think and talk about what we wanted, with skating and with us and with the rest of our lives. And I… I waited 20 years for you Scott, and you couldn’t even wait 1 for me.”

Her eyes had gotten blurry during the last sentence, tears clouding her vision before escaping. Scott’s hands come up to mimic her own, his hands encompass her entire face. Both of them are crying harder now, her name breaking out of his mouth in a sob. His eyes slide shut as his forehead comes down to rest on hers. 

“Tess… Tess I didn’t know, I had no idea I didn’t know I swear I didn’t Tess please, please. I thought- I thought you didn’t love me back I thought that you, I don’t I just Tess please I love you, I love you I love you I love you…”

His mantra continues until she moves, tilting his head back, forcing him to look at her. 

“And I love you Scott Moir.”

She closes her eyes and tilts her head, pressing her lips to his for a brief moment, both of them are trembling, his hands grip onto her head tighter, pulling her closer. 

She pulls away, hands sliding down to his chest to push him away, his hands moving from her head down to where her arms were on his chest, but she shakes him off, stepping back to put some distance in between them. 

“I love you Scott, but all you did was terrify that little 14 year old girl in me again.”

He steps forward to reach for her, his name falling off his lips in a hushed whisper, but she places a hand on his chest and stops him short. 

“You need to go Scott.”

His voice comes out in a sob. 

“Tess… no.”

She moves, out of his arms and out of the bathroom, to the door and opening it. 

“You have someone waiting for you now Scott. Go to her.”

He steps towards her, but doesn’t head out the door.

“I can’t leave you here, not like this Tess.”

She looks up into his eyes and smiles sadly.

“You have to Scott, just like always.”

She slowly pushes him out the door, and she knows that if anyone were to walk down the hallway they would look like quite the pair. Her, makeup off and pajamas on, him still in his suit. Both of them crying.

He clutches onto her hand, holding it to him as they stand there. 

“Tessa…”

She smiles at him, trying hard to put on a happy face but knows she’s failing.

“Hey… hey come on now, were getting inducted into the Hall of Fame tomorrow Scott! We should be happy! We shouldn’t be like this, not tonight.”

He gives her a watery smile before it drops off his face. 

“I’m so sorry.”

She shakes her head and steps out the door, handing raising to brush some hair of his forehead, sliding down to cup his cheek. She takes in a deep breath to stop from crying all over again.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Scott.”

She steps back and watches him for a moment.

Her mind slips back into 21 years of memories, always standing across each other, eyes only for each other, the world falling to pieces around them. 

The first moment they met when they were 7 and 9. 

On the ice during practice.

2 months after her surgery, standing across the threshold of her childhood home. 

Before their final skate in Vancouver.

A surprise after a difficult practice on a random Thursday. 

The locker room after Sochi. 

Podiums all over the world.

Center Ice, before Moulin Rouge.

She smiles at him, and closes the door.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I'm sorry if it made you cry   
> Let me know what you thought below, or feel free to yell at me


End file.
